In my life I have personally experienced mediation during the breakdown of my own relationship with the mother of my daughter. It was during this period that I knew I wanted to write Shining Child to help people who would go through a similar experience.
Mediation is now a pre-requisite to going to court over access to children during divorce and separation. It also a good way to tackle financial matters. But does it work?
In a nutshell, mediation works wonderfully if both parties are willing to play the game. You need to have shared goals and both have at the heart of the sessions only best outcome for your family and children, not for yourself.
Put bluntly, if you go to court, the judge makes a decision about your family’s future. Through mediation, together you can make those decisions. Done right it is an empowering, independent tool to sorting out the future of all involved.
There’s a saying, when you are in the forest you cant see the wood for the trees – this sums up how a lot of people feel when they split, and a mediator can guide you both to a clearing where you can appreciate the full vision.
Infact, a good mediator will bring the heart of all your meetings to one central point – what is good for all of your family, especially the children. So it is always important to get the most from it, that both parties come with an open mind. You need to agree to leave squabbles and disputes at the door, to allow you to focus on facts.
In my book Shining Child, which is available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback, I focus on a similar premise. It is about putting the child first, and when used alongside mediation it can really help, as it gives practical hints and tips, as well as exercises for the parents to implement.
David Barlett MBE, and director of Pear Tree Projects Ltd said of Shining Child “This book is a rare find and one of huge value to anyone who finds breaking up hard to do”. I believe a good mediator carries the same weight – anything that help families come out of such an awful process a little scarred is always a good thing.
Shining Child is available at : www.drpjkennedy.com or https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=shining+child&ref=nb_sb_noss_1