Written by Suzy Miller: Divorce Strategist
What are the key classic errors men often make and how to avoid them
Sussex-based family mediator Julia Warnes offers some guidance for men when divorcing:
“I would say the most common mistake is often not obtaining advice at the earliest opportunity and often waiting until the process can be thrust upon them. I am aware that sometimes they might not want to be the bad guy and make the decision that it is the end of the relationship, rather waiting for the decision to be made for them. Or if they have decided to end the relationship, being motivated in their decisions by guilt.”
The implications of these common errors for their families, themselves, and their work life, can be severe. Julia sees that bullying is not a useful tactic and that men can be much ‘smarter’ about how they manage their divorce. “A real challenge arises when we find ourselves being reactive rather than proactive. This can be a key sign that a divorcing person is not in control of the situation and can lead to panicked decision-making. Being reactive can lead people feeling that they are out of control, confused and stressed, and this can impact on all areas of their lives negatively at a time which is already extremely difficult.
This doesn’t mean they should be proactively pushing or creating disputes – but instead, proactively identifying the best way for families to resolve any issues that have arisen and being able to fully engage and participate in the process of their choosing.”
Julia is well-placed to help those seeking information early to avoid these common mistakes, and to ensure their cases can be presented in the most effective way. Often it is simply things that they could to do avoid going down the wrong road, because on a journey you need a map.
Having a clear view of exactly what you want to achieve and how can save time, stress and cost, and Julia provides that in her role representing both parties as an impartial mediator.
“It’s vital for divorcing men to get advice and information about all of the options available to them, and don’t leave this until the last moment – or it is likely to limit their options. The family legal system is certainly not a case where one size fits all. Collaboration, roundtable meetings, mediation, arbitration and even potentially considering court proceedings all offer pros and cons which will apply to everyone’s circumstances differently.”
Financial Advice When Divorcing: Early Intervention
Julia believes in supporting her client’s needs by giving them access early on to relevant professionals who can help them. Financial Planners offer expertise that is very valuable to people navigating divorce. Julia is connected to a wide range of financial experts and it is entirely up to her clients, whether or not they make use of those additional services available to them – but having a no-obligation conversation with a few financial planners to see how they can offer support, is a good thing to do.
One of the many financial professionals in Sussex who support divorcing couples with their financial planning – Nigel Rowland of Rowland Financial Planning – believes that being flexible is key, as no divorce is the same as another.
“In our experience, no two clients are the same and we therefore take time to ensure that we understand their personal as well as any business objectives, and deliver solutions that are specific and relevant. Many divorcing people are unaware they can be held jointly responsible for all debts – even those in their partner’s name. Another issue for many men around divorce”, Nigel explains, “is not allowing enough time to value a business they may own, or to strategise how to not let the business become a victim of the divorce. This is why getting financial guidance as well as legal is crucial when divorcing.”
Read full article here: https://alternativedivorcedirectory.co.uk/the-big-mistakes-men-make-when-divorcing/